The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst. So I've been to the charity shop to get all her clothes back.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a
vacuum cleaner. Strewth, talk about Dyson with death.
I just brought a friend of mine a new fridge, should have seen his
face light up when he opened it
Paddy says: "Mick, I'm thinking of buying a Labrador." "No way"
says Mick: "have you seen how many of their owners go blind"
I woke up last night to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor standing at
the foot of my bed. At first I was afraid....... then I was petrified.
Doctors have just identified a food that can cause grief and suffering
years after it's been eaten. It's called wedding cake.
I was in the pub with my wife last night and I said: "I love you".
She said; "Is that you or the beer talking?"
I replied: "It's me talking to the beer".
They've opened a new shop across the road selling camouflage clothing
but I have my suspicions something weird is going on. Yesterday I saw
20 people go in but I never saw anyone coming out.
I've been on the phone for ages trying to book tickets for an Elvis
tribute act, but it keeps asking me to press 1 for the money, 2 for
the show......
A friend of mine moved into a new house at the weekend so I took him
over a couple of radiators. Just a little house warming present.
I've just heard the window cleaner shouting and swearing outside my
house. I think he's lost his rag.
I went to my allotment last week and found someone had covered it with
2 inches of soil. I went again yesterday only to find it covered
again with another 2 inches of soil. The plot thickens!!!
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid.
When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time.....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I
was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a
coffin... 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it... I
thought to myself, these idiots have lost the plot!!
My son's been asking me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went
to our local pet shop and they were £70!!! What rubbish, I
thought, I can get one cheaper off the web.
Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarves are not happy.
I start a new job in Seoul next week.. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver
was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to
myself 'that guy's heading for a breakdown'.
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Wednesday funny by 'jimwhite' << You are here!
